When we talk about perfectionism here, we’re not referring to liking things neat or having everything in order. We’re talking about the kind of perfectionism where making mistakes feels unbearable. It’s the tendency to ruminate, be harshly self-critical, and struggle to move forward when something goes wrong.

 

Most people think of high standards as a good thing. Striving for excellence shows commitment, a strong work ethic, and a desire to grow. High standards can push you to perform at your best. But perfectionism is something different. It involves setting standards so high that they are nearly impossible to meet or are only met with extreme effort and distress. This kind of perfectionism is usually driven by internal pressure, like the fear of failure or the fear of being judged.

 

Perfectionists often set unrealistic expectations for themselves and others. They are quick to notice flaws, dismiss praise, and overlook their own achievements. Instead of celebrating success, they focus on who might still disapprove. Often, they look to a parent, partner, boss, or another figure in their life for validation. Underneath all of this is a deep difficulty in forgiving themselves for simply being human. That inability becomes one of the biggest barriers to growth, peace, and fulfillment.

 

The belief that we should always get it right or never make mistakes is unrealistic. Yet we still hold ourselves to that impossible standard. If we can’t do something perfectly, we tell ourselves we shouldn’t do it at all. The fear of criticism or rejection, especially from people we care about or depend on, can feel deeply threatening. It can stir up an old, primal fear of being left out, unprotected, or alone in the world.

 

In trying to be perfect, we often lose touch with the things that truly matter. We sacrifice spontaneity, creativity, authenticity, rest, connection, progress, and self-compassion. Letting go of perfectionism is not about settling for less. It is about making space to grow, learn, and live fully while remembering that we are worthy, even in our imperfect moments.

 

Perfectionist Behaviors :

• Over-checking or redoing work even after it’s already done well, because you’re afraid of making a mistake.

• Avoiding tasks altogether if you feel you can’t do them perfectly or don’t feel fully prepared.

• Taking excessive time on simple tasks because you’re trying to get every detail just right.

• Procrastinating due to fear of failure or fear of not doing it “right.”

• Downplaying or dismissing accomplishments, saying things like “it wasn’t that big of a deal” or “I could have done better.”

• Constantly seeking reassurance from others that you’re doing things correctly.

• Getting stuck in rumination after making a mistake, replaying it over and over in your mind.

• Being highly critical of yourself or others when things don’t go as planned.

• Struggling to delegate tasks because you don’t trust others to do them the “right” way.

• Setting unrealistically high expectations that are hard to meet, then feeling like a failure when you fall short.

 

Challenge your need for perfectionism by asking:

• Is it true that this has to be perfect?

• What’s the cost of chasing perfection here?

• Am I avoiding this task because I think I have to do it perfectly?

• What’s the fear underneath this pressure?

• What actually matters most in this moment?

• Have I made space to celebrate what did go well?

• If I could be kind to myself right now, what would that look like?