Call (312) 572 - 9991 for Appointments
Accept & Allow
Anxiety is paradoxical in that our instinct is to avoid it, but real relief comes from turning toward it. By fully accepting and allowing every sensation and thought without resistance, we create the space for anxiety to naturally cool down.It’s tough at first, but each time you practice accepting and allowing anxiety, you’re teaching your brain that it’s safe to let go of the fear. Keep going, and trust the process it gets easier with time and repetition. You’re building a new response with every step and teaching your amygdala.
Guided Audio: The 4 DARE Steps
This 22-minute video walks you through the four steps—Defuse, Accept, Run Toward, and Engage. It’s helpful when anxiety feels overwhelming or you’re stuck in your thoughts.
Listen as often as you need to ground yourself and reconnect with the process.
STEP ONE: Immediately Defuse Anxious Thoughts
“That’s a thought” or “In the Past/Future” or
“Who gives a f*ck!”
Anxiety can sometimes come out of nowhere and escalate fast. You cannot control the waves of anxiety or the scary “what if” thoughts that come to mind, but you can control your response.
Dismissive.
Begin by pausing and labeling your experience. Say to yourself, “Right now, I am having a thought that intrudes into my awareness. This is an intrusive thought. It has caught my attention because of how it feels.” For instance, if you have a worried thought like, “What if I get fired?” recognize that this is an intrusive thought that feels distressing. You might notice your heart racing, your palms sweating, or a pit in your stomach. These physical sensations often accompany anxious thoughts. You might have a spiral of more intense thoughts and the urge to do something right this moment about it (“What if I get fired...what if I couldn’t find another job...what would happen if I couldn’t pay rent...I need to email my boss and make sure everything is okay right now!”).
The key here is to observe your emotions and sensations without immediate engagement with the thoughts, judgment or action. If you engage with the thoughts, you will continue the cycle of fear and anxiety. We must practice the new way of simply being in the presence of distressing thoughts and feelings. acknowledging them helps to create distance between you and the thought itself. Instead of being swept away by fear, you practice observing your thoughts with curiosity and non-judgment. This can feel challenging, especially when your body instinctively reacts with fear, triggering your fight-or-flight response. Remind yourself, “This thought feels dangerous, but it isn’t,” to break the automatic cycle of fear.
Next, remind yourself that these thoughts are automatic and do not need your attention. You can say gently, “These thoughts are automatic and are best left alone.” For example, when the worried (amygdala) voice in your head says, “Oh no!” your intellectual part responds, “Thoughts are just thoughts. Junk thoughts are just junk thoughts. There’s no need to engage.” You have the power to respond with a strong “so what” attitude and neutralize the buildup of fear. This puts you back into the position of power. As you become aware of anxiety, you can defuse it immediately. You can choose to respond to these thoughts in the appropriate way for what they really are – mindless chatter from the primal part of your brain. Your body sent out a false alarm and now hormones are running through your body, but by being aware this is exactly what’s going on and remembering they are harmless, although uncomfortable.
This acknowledgment helps you disentangle from the emotional weight of the thought - your mind is playing tricks on you, and that you don’t have to take those thoughts seriously. Remember that the distress you feel is a natural response, but you have control over how much you let it affect you. You can choose not to react or over-analyze.
STEP TWO: Allow any and all thoughts and body feelings without resistance
“I accept and allow these anxious feelings. I accept and allow these anxious thoughts.”
This step involves recognizing that while intrusive thoughts and uncomfortable sensations may arise, they do not define you, nor do they require action. Acceptance isn’t about resigning yourself to misery; it’s about acknowledging that these thoughts and sensations although uncomfortable, are unimportant and don’t warrant your attention. Instead of getting caught in a mental tug-of-war, allow them to be present without resistance.
Also, recognize your physical sensations, like racing hearts or sweaty palms, as part of the experience. Accepting these feelings means understanding that while they may be uncomfortable, they are safe and temporary. By allowing both thoughts and body sensations to simply exist, you can create space between yourself and the discomfort, fostering a sense of peace without needing to engage with or act on them.
Accepting and allowing thoughts and body sensations to exist without engaging with them is crucial. This means not pushing them away or trying to reason them out of existence. For instance, when you hear the worried voice asking, “What if I hurt someone?” don’t seek false comfort by telling yourself, “No, you won’t.”
When intrusive or anxious thoughts arise, the goal is to allow them to exist without engaging with them at all. Don’t try to reason with them, challenge them, or make yourself feel better. Just let the thoughts come and go, without giving them any attention or power. We’re not here to analyze or figure out the “what ifs.” Instead, we treat them as “even if,” and shut them down. No discussion, no engagement—just acknowledge them briefly, and then move on.
Transforming “what if” thoughts into “even if” thoughts can be a powerful shift in mindset. Instead of spiraling into worries about potential negative outcomes, consider this: “Even if that bad thing happened, I would find a way to handle it.” For example, if you think, “What if I lose my job?” change it to “Even if I lose my job, I will figure out a new plan and support myself.” This way, you acknowledge the possibility without letting it consume your thoughts, allowing yourself to stay present and focused on what’s happening right now—because the bad thing hasn’t happened yet.
NO RESISTANCE. No fighting, no wanting to control, no wanting things to be different or anything other than what they are in this exact moment. I welcome and accept my anxiety. I will no longer freeze up, fight back, or allow myself to get caught up in the fear. I drop all resistance and accept and allow the anxiety I am feeling to just be. In this moment this is how my body is reacting, and I am along for the bumpy ride. I will try to get as comfortable with the anxious discomfort as I can. I cannot make the unpleasant sensations go away. The sensations, although uncomfortable, are completely safe. Anxiety is only discomfort- and discomfort is something I can totally handle! My goal is to get used to these feelings and not respond by getting upset or scared – to feel anxiety without getting anxious. I allow the wave to pass over me. I allow my nervous system to cool off on its own time without trying to change it (attempting to force a state of calmness is resisting!). I let the anxious energy play itself out and do not get caught up in it. Anxiety is a wave – it rises, peaks, and then falls back down. It always falls back down. When I resist the wave, it tosses me around and scares me. I choose to respond with no resistance and ride the wave! I will no longer get hooked by each anxious thought or weird body sensation. I simply observe and ride with. The only way out is through.
STEP THREE: Run Towards...
“I am excited!”
Anxiety and excitement are two sides of the same coin; they feel very similar in our bodies. Both can make our hearts race, and our breathing quicken. When we’re excited, we enjoy these feelings, like on roller coasters or while watching scary movies. It can be tough to see anxiety as excitement at first, but we can train our minds to do this. Remember, we’ve felt these feelings before and got through it. With practice, we can change how we view those feelings and see them as a chance for growth. Embrace the ride, knowing you’re strong enough to handle it!
Anxiety is nothing more than a wave of hormones flowing through my body. They will not hurt me. It was my interpretation of them that caused problems in the past. I can re-frame my perception of anxious sensations and move toward them skillfully, so I am less intimidated by them. I can flip my opinion from negative fear to positive excitement! Bravery overrides fear, my body is riding this wave right now, so I might as well get pumped and move with it! I remove the sense of threat by running to the feelings.
STEP FOUR: Engage...
" Today I might be a little anxious, but I can still do everything, even with it by my side"
I get back into life and do things that take up my full attention, knowing I am doing everything right and this approach is healing my anxiety while I engage in tasks and rejoin society. The anxiety may keep intruding, but I can practice DARE and gently place my attention back to the present moment and life. Totally okay if I must keep coming back; eventually this will be less and less. My job is not to distract myself from the anxiety, but to allow the anxiety to be present while I continue to live my life fully. I can fully engage in life while anxiety rides in the passenger side. I accept and allow it. It is nothing to fear.
Focus on returning to the present moment whenever your mind drifts into anxious what-if scenarios. Notice your current environment—what can you see, hear, smell, and touch? For example, if you feel shaky and overwhelmed, instead of spiraling into future worries, ground yourself by focusing on the feeling of the floor beneath your feet or the sound of your breathing. Floating above the fray and engaging back with life involves observing your discomfort without getting entangled in it. You can practice this by deliberately slowing down your actions, taking deep breaths, and tuning into your senses. This non-urgent, passive observation allows your mind to settle. Over time, this can reduce the intensity of your emotions and help you feel more centered.
Allowing time to pass is a vital skill in managing intrusive thoughts. It’s essential not to urge time along or keep checking to see if the thoughts are fading. Remind yourself that discomfort is temporary and does not equate to danger. When you feel overwhelmed, you can tell yourself, “As far as I’m concerned, I could sit with these thoughts all day. My discomfort has nothing to do with being in danger.”
Acknowledge that your amygdala has sounded a false alarm, and the thought itself is not a threat. The discomfort may feel urgent, but it’s merely an emotional response, not a signal for action. You might visualize a wave that rises and then falls away. This symbolizes how your feelings will peak and eventually dissipate, and with patience, the discomfort will ease.
Even while experiencing intrusive thoughts, continue with your daily activities. For example, if you’re feeling shaky and worried about your thoughts returning, remind yourself, “Feeling shaky is just distressing, not dangerous.” Maintain your routine, engage in activities you enjoy, and remind yourself that these thoughts do not dictate your behavior or well-being.
Practicing this step reinforces the idea that you can coexist with intrusive thoughts without letting them control your actions. Over time, you’ll find that the thoughts lose their power as you learn to move forward with your life despite them. It’s like learning to dance with a partner that sometimes leads you into uncomfortable steps but ultimately does not determine the rhythm of the dance.
This is the floating technique, another way to respond to anxiety by softening, allowing, and letting it move through you without resistance. It’s the same core idea as DARE, facing fear without adding fuel, but explained with different language that might just click in a new way. Sometimes, hearing it said differently is exactly what helps it land